Intention - Mindfulness - Magic!

Once again, the end of one year and the beginning of another. Cycles and rhythms. Inhaling and exhaling. Ceaseless… relentless… harbinger of the mindlessness of repetition and the potential of the hope that is carried in the dawning of a new day.

Closure. Fresh starts. Moments to reflect on completions and things still undone.

If I were to tell the truth of my experience – of myself and the world which I create for myself – it would be a mix of many things, all of which are now shaped by an overwhelming sense of urgency. One thing I know for sure: Gaia will do fine, as she always does. I’m not so sure about human beings. At least, not as we have historically defined human beings to be.

I know that I’m moving toward something. Have been since January 2006. I woke up one day in January and it was as if the lights had been turned on in my head and I could see things that I had not seen before. In that moment, even though I had no sense of the destination, I knew that I had to turn down a different path… move into a different direction… moving toward something that my body knew would not just sustain life but rapidly and profoundly expand it.

And so here I am – almost two years later – and I am still mindful of that presence in my body of urgency, of intensity, as I continue to move along this path. The path still feels like where I need to be. It does feel, however like something is picking up speed. All I need to do is follow where the path leads me.

I look back at the last two years and I marvel at the speed, intensity, outcomes and contagion of this journey. There have been no accidents in taking this path and I know that there are still two years left in this journey. I am mindful that Intention 2009 will have closure in January 2010 – and I know that I will be done. I also know that in January 2010, my path will take a new direction. Whether it will have a resemblance to the one I’m on – or not! – I have no idea. What I do know is that I trust the Signal that I am in the world and that flows through me; and I know that it will all unfold exactly as it should.

In this past year, I have become keenly aware of the degree to which the notion of a holodeck has moved profoundly from thought/notion to expression of reality. The idea that we are energy. The idea that all is energy and that energy never dies; that it simply changes its form of expression. Energy is never lost or wasted. It always IS. I am energy – and I too, will always be IS. The way I move from matter to energy is of my own choosing. And whether or not, and when, I move from matter to energy is also of my own choosing.

That we are Quantum Biological Beings is a massive, profound and extremely potent discovery – if we choose to consider its implications. We are not matter (mechanical beings), we are energy. We are energy with mindfulness of intention. We can choose to be and become, at will. What I am noticing about my world and myself in that world is that what slows down manifestations of energy is energy in ‘conflict’. Thoughts are energy – so conflicting thoughts, conflicting beliefs, a yes/no for the same intention. Like having the foot on the break and the gas at the same time.

I know that the discovery that we are Quantum Biological Beings is a 2005 awareness, persistently perceived through the limitations of a mechanical being. An energy awareness considered through the limitations of a mechanical framework; and in that, the limitations of our thoughts/energy prevent us from allowing the limitations of our mechanical framework to be released and experience energy in flow. In that, I am reminded that it is not that things don’t exit – it is that we are unable to calibrate for their existence.

I have declared for myself that 2008 is The Year of Practical Magic! It is the year that I pay mindful attention to the degree to which I hold on to what is familiar to me… to what feels ‘normal’ or ‘safe’ or ‘real’ and allow myself to let go of each of those thoughts as they come into my awareness. I am energy and in being so, I determine what form I take.

Gaia will not only survive (as she has done for billions of years), she will thrive. And so will I. There will be many who will not, as unsustainable ways of being in the world (i.e. thought in conflict) continue in their death throes and make way for new paths to be carved out. Some talk of a new species of human emerging. I believe it is already here. It is us. It is the Quantum Biological Being in full and mindful expression as energy. And our connection to the Signal of Self is the key.

As I bring 2007 to closure, I am just so delighted by the magic of it all! I am surrounded by amazing women! I am part of a family that is willing to be open, honest, clear and direct. I am loved by and am deeply loving of so many. I am filled with the power of intense curiosity that gives me permission never to have anything be fixed or static or ‘real’ or ‘true’; and that makes every day a new adventure, filled with a combination of letting go of what was and claiming what can become. One foot in front of the other. One conversation preceding the next. Living in the moment. Staying present to myself and what moves inside me. Connecting in voice and word and thought.

Shameless. Fearless. Sometimes raw and jagged, sometimes well-honed and razor sharp. And always, the intention is to honor the sacred Signal that is the ‘I AM’, to honor the Signal that I am that flows through the Quantum Biological Being that moves in this space and time.

The emerging species is already here and it is us. The question is: can we awaken to and claim it before it’s too late? And perhaps more importantly, can it ever be too late?

Breathing is good...

2008: The Year of Practical Magic

Wow! I can feel things speeding up! In the last couple of days, we've created two new blog sites, one which launched our new Newsletter format and one that created an interactive area on my website; completed a new article on the notion of practical magic for 2008; set up four new radio interviews in the US; created a new digital master for 'Fully Alive - A Corporate Conversatio'; and managed to still find time for the Dog Whisperer - not because we have a dog but because Cesar understands and speaks to the nature of energy and its impact on other living organic systems (dogs!).

AND....let's not overlook that I had to figure out technology for much of this! Am feeling pretty good about it all and very eager to engage!

The Newsletter - ChoicePoints - is now at http://choicepoints.wordpress.com and
the new, interactive 'Women Gathering' is at http://www.LouiseLeBrun.com/WomenGathering

I'm discovering that I am really looking forward to 2008 and really getting myself out there. I believe in magic - and I particularly believe in the kind of magic that is possible for us as Quantum Biological Humans. Time is passing and the need for us to discover the magic in ourselves is pressing hard against the need for us to create change in our lives.

I also spent a couple of hours today watching the tv specials (recorded) offered in remembrance of those who died in the tsunami on Boxing Day on the other side of the world. Even though I've seen those images so many times, I am stunned each time by the power of Gaia and the forces that are a natural part of her expression. Energy in transformation takes many twists and turns.

Tomorrow, I meet with a small group of women (women of intensity!) to catch up and explore where we may guide ourselves to in 2008. This conversation will be different as we'll have a few women who will be there for the first time and who know very little about WEL-Systems. That is always such fun! I get to watch lives transform in such a short period of time. More magic!

For now, I'll call it a day and dream big dreams for the next one.

Breathing is good....

Spontaneously being our essential selves

It’s Christmas Eve. No matter how it actually unfolds, I am always mindful of a darkened sky, stars blinking through the crisp, cold air; ever-decreasing activity on the road as people reach their destination and settle in for the long-anticipated time with family and loved ones; snow falling softy and quietly, adding to the sparkling cloak that Gaia has wrapped herself in; streets lined with house after house, dressed up for the occasion in brightly colored lights on rooftops, swirling around trees and shrubs, doors welcoming guests with wreaths of pine boughs, red bows and twinkling lights.

This will be my 57th Christmas Eve. The first few have left no memory. For so many others, I can run the movie inside my head and see grandparents long gone; a house full of people talking and laughing; decorated trees nesting in a sea of regally wrapped boxes of magic and surprises. Smells of warming pies mingling with the sound of glasses tinkling as eggnog is poured from the punch bowl into the small handled bowl, topped with whipped cream and nutmeg; Christmas carols playing in the background. And yet, through all those years, there is one memory that never leaves me.

The story is told of Christmas Eve, 1914, and the spontaneous truce that occurred between the German and Allied Troops along the front lines. I know that I was very young when I first heard of this…perhaps 7 or 8 years old. Without the language to describe it, it amazed me that human beings were so instinctively and essentially drawn to love each other. It also profoundly awakened me to the degree to which external drivers – those things outside of us called authority, experts, leaders, guides, etc. – were able to reshape that essential being and the degree to which we allowed it to be so.

Every year at this time, I am reminded of this moment of my own awakening. Each year, I remember and recommit to my own journey of staying awake and awakening those who have the desire to do so. At this time of year, I am reminded why I have become who I am; and the degree to which each of us is so essentially and organically intended to connect and engage with each other.

Mine is not to change the world. Mine is to create the world that I desire. And what I desire is full expression of what I know to be our birthright – our right to love and be loved; our desire to engage with each other in ways that awaken and expand our potential; and our deep and organic pull to move toward each other and not away from each other.

Long gone are those men who first dared to follow their natural instincts and proclaim a truce. Under the most dire conditions and within the context of vicious intentions, they found within themselves what was required to remember who they are and to trust that – no matter what!

Perhaps this Christmas Eve, 2007, will be the one that re-awakens us to the truth of who we are.

Breathing is good……

Staying conscious in a collective coma

I had breakfast today, with a woman who has become a deeply meaningful part of my life. I would trust her with my life and, perhaps more importantly, I would trust her with the lives of my sons. I do not say that easily or loosely!

My time with her is always a great adventure of discovery, about myself. She and I both know that as we share aspects of our lives, we listen to the other knowing that we are hearing expressed some aspect of our own consciousness, playing itself out in the life of the other. I’ve discovered that sometimes, when I talk to myself, I need to hear the words through the voice of another.

We talked about family. We talked about responsibility and commitment. We shared stories about the Holiday Season…about Christmas past and present…and about the experience relative to the commercial hype. We concluded that it was time for us to create new rituals for ourselves and the people we love, that would better reflect what we have come to hold as valuable.

I left breakfast with a sense of being real. I felt that in the great hypnotic trance that is my cultural conditioning, I had just had an awakened moment. It reminded me of days long gone when I would swim from one end of the pool to the other, holding my breath, and finally breaking through at the far end, gasping for air! In that moment, I could breathe again and knew the essential nature of breathing. There are times when I had taken it for granted and just forgot its place in my existence.

Over our third cup of coffee, we agreed that we created it all! The new directions and the capitulations; the joys and the resentments; the frenzy and the tranquility. None of it belonged to anyone other than each of us, in our own way.

We talked about change and transformation. We explored our experiences in corporate environments, marveling at how robust these constructs of collective agreement are as they continue to unfold, unchecked in their unspoken determination to keep us in line. How else do we feed a collective driven by consumption?

And finally, we agreed: it is not about trying to fix or change the world we have – it is about creating the world we want. When we withdraw ‘energy’ (life force, mana, prana, attention, focus, etc) and we cease to engage with something, that thing begins to fade away and disappear. Nothing can survive without the energy that feeds it. However, when we invest energy in bracing against or fighting something, it gains strength. A wise person once said : "What we resist, persists."

We agreed : we must give ourselves permission to walk away. No arguments, no need to explain, no rants or big investments in getting anyone to understand – just walk away. Sometimes, walking away can be as simple as ‘No, thanks!’. Or, it can sound like ‘No more!’. Or it can be as simple as redirecting my attention to those people, places and things that feed my soul! But no matter how we looked at it, we concluded that the two things that present in all of life’s situations is that a) my life is always about me (just like her life is always about her); and b) there is nothing to struggle with.

I am keenly aware, particularly at this time of year, of how difficult it is to NOT be drawn into the collective consciousness…the collective coma….that causes us to second guess ourselves; to abandon all that is true for us and stumble into the march-step of those around us; to silence ourselves rather than speak when what we have to say causes the conversations around us to pause abruptly! And yet, I know deep inside me, that the future lies in learning how to do just that.

I am so grateful to have, on the holodeck of my experience, those who are willing to come face-to-face with themselves. In those moments, I become more.

Breathing is good……

Is there ever a good time to die?

I found out, yesterday, that a woman I had come to know from her being a client, has passed on. Since discovering this, I’ve had a couple of phone calls and email exchanges with others who have been touched by her passing and, no doubt, by her having lived.

It has left me wondering: if (as I believe) all things unfold exactly as they should, what is there for me to discover about being human from this having entered my life?

As in all deaths, my thoughts go to those who are left behind. So many things unsaid; so many other things said regrettably…wishing they could be withdrawn. Opportunities lost for completing things, changing things, redefining things. Perhaps the invitation in one’s passing is for the rest of us to pause…and consider….how else might I live? And beyond that, how else might I love?

As someone once said (and I have no idea who it was), living is a lot harder than dying. I believe that. living fully…living a meaningful and authentic life…demands much of who we are and even more of who we might become. Living an authentic life requires that we make choices that may well fly in the face of cultural conditioning and socially accepted conventions of behaviour. Sometimes, choosing one over the other brings challenging consequences either way. Perhaps the invitation in one’s passing is for the rest of us to awaken to a recognition that NOW is the moment! And we can never be sure that there will be another…..

Memories. Reminders. Whispers in the back of our mind….the single and the collective mind. All the things that we are reminded of in one moment that are, in truth, about another moment – often from long ago and hopefully forgotten – that is in some way unfinished…incomplete…not yet ready to be put to rest. Perhaps the invitation in one’s passing is for the rest of us to make peace with ourselves; with our loose ends, unfinished business and unexpressed potential. We may not have a ‘tomorrow’ from which to reconsider it all.

Timing. Can it ever be right? Is it ever wrong? In this, I am clear that I trust the unspoken genius of it all! I believe with every fiber of my being that we do not go until we’re ready to go. In that, I honor the choices made to go. And as I do so, I take a breath and I notice all around me those that can and will make the same choice, when the time is right for them. And in that moment, I will have become the one left behind. Perhaps the invitation in one’s passing is for us to allow ourselves the full measure of our experience – of our sadness, our grief, our longing that it were not so – AND to remember who and what we are. Even in these moments, there is cause to honor and celebrate a Life Force continuing in its expression, even though it may be in a way that we cannot share.

To Robyn Wagner: my thanks for all that you have taught me.

Breathing is good…..

Another Sekhmet Voice....

I'm very fortunate to have people in my life who find things that they know I would have an interest in. One such discovery recently sent to me is the voice of Danielle Rama Hoffman who also embodies the essence that I know as Sekhmet.

Let Danielle's words flow through you. Her words describe the truth of my experience of this Sekhmet energy in expression in my own life.

As you read Danielle's words, let the vibration they carry flow through you...and discover within yourself, the aspect of Sekhmet that is you.

Breathing is good.....

Cocooning

I seem to be intimately connected to the weather. When I think a thought, the weather reflects it back to me, in its unique and inimitable way.

I’m sitting by the fire, feeling snug and comfy in my blue leather recliner….feet up and laptop at my finger tips. To my left, the two palladium windows offer me a lens through which to watch the world unfold, a glimmer of colored lights in the distance as the influence of the Holiday Season is seen through the swirling gusts of snow. The drifts are getting higher, piling up against my neighbor’s fence and making back garden ornaments – like the BBQ! – turn into oddly shaped beings in the dimming light.

I like this. I’m happy in this place, family members busy doing their thing and my time is my own. My thoughts are my own, too…except that Gaia seems to be able to read them.

Outside reflects what’s going on inside of me. Great bursts of new thought intermingled with a quiet reflection on those already there. Thoughts taking on strange shapes, some fitting easily into the landscape of their existing context and others struggling to find their place in what feels like a foreign land. Moments of peace and a sense of inner quiet quickly followed by the winds of agitation as old thoughts blend with the new. As I sit in my cozy spot, I wonder: how does all this fit together?

Maybe it doesn’t matter. Maybe there is no need to fit…no requirement for fitting of any kind. Maybe perfection lies in what feels like the existing chaos of all this swirling, blowing, heaping….then settling and blowing again! Maybe this is what life feels like on any given day and to think otherwise is to fool myself.

I’ve been thinking a lot about 2007 – what it was, what it gave me and what it invited me to consider differently. I am also enlivened, excited and profoundly encourage by 2008 and what it will become. It seems like every year, the angle of the curve gets steeper and the outcomes accelerate to make way for greater potential. As much as I might say that this is too much….it’s not.

The storm that is blowing through today is a welcomed invitation to shake things up….to trust in the shaking….and to discover that what I consider ‘the norm’ can easily be turned upside down and from there, become a platform for something quite different.

I know that 2008 will be the year of the vibration of sound. More voice. More voices! Voices speaking an undeniable truth – that truth of authentic presence – and all that comes with it. Podcasts. CD’s. Internet radio. Room for bigger and more conversations….one-on-one and in small groups. And all of this about women gathering in small groups, talking. Such a potent force and one, sadly, so wasted on the trivia of our lives.

So, I’m going to sit here for a bit, letting the warmth of the fire make me drowsy, and letting myself jot down all the strange, seemingly disconnected thoughts that my body is offering up. If (as I believe) an Emerging Future rides on that Signal from the Self to the physical body, then paying attention is the gateway to accelerating how I manifest my life – not because faster is better, but because living fully is always preferable to just sitting around and thinking about it.

Breathing is good…..

Holiday Season Survival Kit!

It’s one of those typical ‘Watch out! Winter’s coming!’ kind of days. Sitting in my office, I look to the left and watch traffic moving quickly along the four lanes of what is the main artery from one end of the city to the other. A grey day….damp and cold…thick with moisture from the falling snow….reminiscent of so many other such days in my long and wonderful life!

It’s that time of year again, when we are so easily drawn into eating too much, drinking more than we care to remember and spending money that we don’t have. That time of year when we seem to get caught up in all the things that we swore, last year, we’d never do again. And then – poof!... like magic! – it’s all over and when we look back, we discover that we were barely conscious as we engaged. How does that happen?????

I’ve created a Holiday Season Survival Kit; a simple way for me to remember to stay connected to myself and redesign how I move through this time of year. It’s intended to help me stay real, stay connected and to remember to love myself at least as much as I want others to know I love them. An over-extended Mom, an impatient daughter and an unavailable partner are not what I want to create for memories from Christmas 2007.

My fondest memories were never about the ‘thing’ I got but were about the people I was with; the way we laughed and played cards or Monopoly for hours at a time. I remember shopping with my Mom, the best part of which was always the time we took to have lunch together where Christmas music played in the background and we hummed along. I remember the years when there was someone new at the table because they couldn’t make it home that year; and other times when someone who had always been there, no longer was.

No matter which Christmas it was, it was always about the people. Including people; welcoming people; making time for and spending time with people. Long after the gifts were put aside, the people remained.

This year, my commitment to myself is to remember who I am and what holds meaning for me; and to invite others in my life to do the same. As much as old rituals and habits may remind us of who we have been, the creation of new ones may be the invitation for us to discover who else we can become.

Breathing is good…..

The majesty of being the godforce

I’m not quite sure where to start in tracking my own thoughts. I’ve had some of the most potent experiences, in the last 10 days, of my entire life.

Women gathering in small groups, talking….began with the Whispers from Within writing retreat. A small group of women….sometimes unsure, sometimes afraid, sometimes confused, angry, resentful….and yet through it all, always courageous and unwilling to give up on themselves. Moments of fear calling up huge amounts of courage. Moments of resentment calling up waves of reclamation of Self. Moments of love and deep caring for others making way for those same experiences of Self. In all of those moments, our world changed.

I am very clear: on the holodeck of my experience, it is all about me. I am equally clear: the genius that I am called into my life the genius of each of these women…and each of them did the same with all of us. Perhaps what made it that much more compelling and provocative; perhaps what took us out, further and further, to the next edge, was the fact that each of us had been here before. In that, there was great trust – of Self and of other – knowing without hesitation the godforce that each of us already is and - no matter what! - we would be just fine! It was with a humbling majesty that I was part of, and bore witness to, the power of this recognition in its capacity to accelerate opening and expansion to the so much MORE that each of us already is. I was indeed, in the company of living expressions of the majesty of being…ourselves.

No conversation cut short; no topic avoided; no moment of truth masked or denied…each of us was more committed to the truth of who we are than to any social convention that might tempt us to diminish ourSelf and, as such, each other. It was an amazing experience for me to bear witness to what it called up in each participant for her to show up – consistently, repeatedly, with great intensity and without apology – as the powerhouse that she is! Gawd! It was breathtaking!

And as if this were not enough, I was moved to tears on Saturday morning when I was invited to offer the opening keynote remarks for the first (of what I know will be many) Ideas Festival. I arrived early and was wandering around, greeting people I knew and meeting others for the first time, when it struck me: this room was filled with women who had found and reclaimed the godforce that they are, and were now expressing themselves in this world through that godforce!

I noticed their creations displayed around the room and on a table at the reception area. I remembered when I first met these women and marveled at who they had allowed themselves not only to become, but now declared themselves to be to the world. Shameless in their own truth, they were living, breathing, walking invitations to the emergence of that truth in others.

The Ideas Festival was Anne’s expression of herself as The Sun…creating a space that is warm, welcoming, inviting and nurturing that others may unfold into, each bringing their own unique gift to share with others. I remember that moment in the Leadership Redefined – Reclaimed pilot when Anne discovered the godforce that she is IS The Sun! And here it was – alive and well and fully expressing in the physical through this Ideas Festival!

There was Carole’s decloaking in the Sekhmet Rising book; Amy’s CD on ‘Health Beyond Nutrition’; Lori’s CD on “Single Moms”, her Huna expression through poem and art, and her drum; Leaona’s CD and her art.

I looked around the room and there was Sarah, filled with the joy of living her own life as the magnificent woman that she has found herself to be! I saw Kim and Scott, sharing a journey of awakening to the magnificence of who each of them is and what they are co-creating together. I watched MJ and her choosing to create the book of her own journey in her birth language and Lucy stepping onto a path untraveled and yet somehow, too compelling for her to deny.

I saw new faces and felt new vibrations of voice as this space called to an awakening from somewhere deeper than possibly revealed and yet too familiar to continue to deny.

As it struck me who each of these women has become, I was flooded with a sensation of sheer joy and amazement! As each of us awakens to and claims the full measure of the godforce that each of us already is, our world responds. Gaia responds! Our families respond! And each of us becomes more as we give ourselves and each other permission for our own magnificence to express, by becoming that in our own lives.

And so it continues. Life is contagious – and I am very clear: I am unwilling ever….EVER!...to be one iota less than the godforce that I am. And I am unwilling ever…EVER!...to see less than that in every other being with whom I share a breath.

My greatest gift to the people I love is to be fully mySelf.

Breathing is good….

True Confessions: If I have to choose, I'll take 'impact' over 'nice' any day!

Maybe I’m just getting old and crotchety. Or maybe I’ve been having these conversations for so long that I find myself wanting to make quantum leaps and am unwilling to engage in incremental nano-inching as an authentic expression of human potential. And then, maybe it’s none of that – maybe it’s just that my bullshit detector has become so well honed over the last 20 years that I can no longer (doing)….or am no longer willing to (being)… not see what I see, hear what I hear, know what I know…and say what I have to say.

Whatever it is, I am aware that I am being drawn to equally hone what I do with my life : where I spend my time, who I spend it with and what kind of experiences I am willing/not willing to be part of. This is, after all, my life and no one else can have it!

My perspective on the world – my world – has been changing over the last two years. It started in January 2006 and it continues to flesh itself out with more density and intensity of color, form and content. I am electric with what I sense to be an escalating awakening as living, organic, planetary systems move and shift in themselves and in the way they interact with each other. The changes we are already living are not/will not be incremental, linear and unfolding over time. Like us, they will be unpredictable, interactive and magnificent in their potential; and they will present in orders of magnitude beyond our expectations in their capacity to reshape our world and our lives.

This awareness permeates everything I have become and so, permeates all that I am and do. This results in a corresponding sense of urgency and intensity to create, on the holodeck of my experience, people/events/conversations that are compelling and deeply meaningful for my own evolution, as I believe that my evolution – like that of every other living, organic system – will profoundly connect with and ultimately shape that of the living planet of which I am an integral part. If I am not enlivened, nurtured and urged into aliveness by my own existence, how can I be part of creating that anywhere else?

It is interesting to me that lately, I find more and more people who can ‘hear’ the planet. It is a communication that cannot be explained through language that we know. And yet, in my experience of it, it is an undeniable phenomenon. We are beginning to hear Gaia, from the inside, out as we become unable to not see Gaia from the outside, in.

Compelling and meaningful – these are the essential elements to designing my life worth living. These qualify as those ‘can’t-live-without-them’ ingredients that go into shaping my life in a way that lights me up and leaves me more present, more awake and more enlivened by every breath I take! Not only is this MY life, this life of mine is an essential cell in the evolving life of the planet. Like Gaia, I am unwilling to have it just go on, day after day, through habit and by default, slowly grinding to a halt under the unbearable burden of my/our own individual and collective mindlessness. No life to live is far better than a life not worth living.

More and more, I am discovering how unwilling I am becoming to be in conversations that don’t matter; that don’t make a difference; that are intended to mindlessly fill dead air time and have no other purpose than to put the vibration of sound into what feels like the immense weight of silence.

No longer am I willing or able to NOT see what percentage of my conversations are repetitive…are saying nothing of any consequence…and are a pale reflection of the truth of who I am and my own potential. And no longer am I willing to collude with anyone else because to not do so results in discomfort and chaos.

Every conversation is an invitation for me to choose. Do I choose a bigger or smaller life? Do I choose to tell my truth or to deceive? Do I actually consider a question or mindlessly offer the polite or politically required response? Do I choose to discover something new about myself or do I just push the button and run the ‘me’ that I and everyone else has come to expect? Do I draw back, tone down and hold out on the full force of who I am in the world or do I allow myself to be unleashed into my own potential? Do I edit or do I reveal, unfiltered, what courses through my awareness? None of this need be in aggression or anger, and yet what I am aware of is that an individual truth is often so long denied that when it is finally revealed, it feels like that to so many. It need not be so. It is not the expressed truth that causes this outcome; it is the increasing pressure from decades of its denial that hardens and sharpens the edges of its eventual delivery.

As I pay attention to the vibration of this in my own body, I am beginning to see my world differently. I am noticing and being drawn to those others – wherever they are and whatever their interests happen to be – who are prepared to be outrageous in their commitment to their own vibrancy! I’m finding people to play with who are massive in their potential, strong in voice and shameless in their willingness to wrap their hands around what they want and engage. I am discovering that on the holodeck of my experience, the genius of who I am has created the genius of who they are that I might have others for me to play with.

Long ago in a program experience, someone said to me – in great earnest and with equally great sincerity – “I want things to be different but I don’t want my life to change.” As much as I find this to be wonderfully funny, there appeared to be no awareness on the part of the speaker, of any discord in this statement.

Today, what I know is that, s/he does not stand alone. I have found many in my experience over the last 20 years who have shared this mantra: “I want things to be different…(.i, e. I want other people to change, to stop asking, to be nicer/kinder/more understanding, to finally understand, to leave me alone, to get on with their lives, etc….) but I don’t want my life to change (i.e. I’m comfortable, things in my life are familiar, I don’t want the things I like to be disturbed, I don’t want people to think less of me for wanting what I don’t have, I can’t stand conflict/dissention/chaos, etc….)”. The world is full of people who believe that in order for them to have what they want, they have to wait until someone else changes in order for them to have it; who believe that it’s rude/selfish/unkind for them to insist on their own needs/desires; who are more committed to their powerlessness than they are to their own potential.

Today, what I also know about ME is that I’m not interested in playing that game anymore. We…us…all of us….are running out of time.

It’s like watching nations come together to discuss climate change, behaving as if their lack of willingness/desire/ability to engage and actually DO something different, is not seen for what it is; and that we’re still going to be polite and trust that they know better than we do what’s good for us. They prefer to continue their limp efforts at being seen to be doing something useful than to actually do anything that will make a difference. They also continue to lie to themselves and insist that they have lots of time. Were it not so dangerous, it would be comical in its pathetic irrelevance.

And so, I’m coming to a place inside myself where I’m discovering that I’m losing interest in the conversations that are about wanting to without being willing to. Being able to follows the latter. I’m interested in engaging with those who are clear that: “I’m taking back my life! I’m willing to do what it takes; I’m up for the tough conversations with myself and with the people I love; I’m not willing to look back…and let the chips fall where they may – I know I’ll be just fine.”

That takes courage and a boundless curiosity about our own lives. Ready, willing and able – whether they know how or not – these folks step up to the plate, pick up the bat and are eager to learn how to swing joyously and play this game of life, full tilt! Unwilling to be sacrificed on the alter of good manners (i.e. wait your turn, you can’t say that, don’t interrupt, etc.) ; with a sense of hope and possibility, they are sometimes motivated by a keen awareness that they’re no longer willing to live puny lives. “Enough! I’m getting on with living regardless of what you do!” seems to be what oozes from every pore. Count me in on those conversations!

Far too many of us have already bored ourselves to death – and everyone else we come in contact with – in the name of our so-called love for others, be they our parents, children, spouses, friends, colleagues, etc. When I think of the people I care about, I can think of nothing more powerful in their lives than my willingness to be a living expression of permission to be powerful in my own. My notion of ‘love’ is not based in sacrifice, self-denial and personal limitation. It is driven by the godforce that I AM in recognition of the godforce that each of them is. In that, we share abundance, immensity and great joy for being true to ourselves in the presence of each other. “This is my life and you can’t have it!” becomes a new mantra that defines direction and outlines the power of the responsibility I carry for myself, my evolution and its contribution to the overall evolution of that larger, living system that is Gaia. Accelerated evolution is highly contagious!

So there it is – and I feel so much more connected to myself again. The truth is out: I’m not interested in being ‘nice’! I want to play the big game, for the big scores. I WANT to engage with the people who have been written off by everyone else and yet persist because instinctively, they know there is more. I WANT to be in those raw, prickly, edgy conversations that make people uncomfortable and unsure, that no one else wants to be in because they dredge up their own secrets and self-betrayals. I WANT to engage with those who have given up hope of finding someone to stand with as they move through the dark of their own undiscovered pathways through the chaos of their own potential. I know that the godforce that I AM is a formidable presence and I am willing to engage.

Breathing is good….

Update from Oceanstone

Day 1 of Whispers from Within and already, the outside world is reflecting what we’re discovering inside ourselves.

It started to snow…that soft, silent kind of snow…and by the time we were ready to call it a day, it was beginning to transform itself into an equally lightly falling rain. The weather man says tomorrow will bring rain, high winds and a storm surge. I must remember to find a comfy chair higher up the hill. And, I must also remember to stay awake to the escalation that is sure to come in the conversations. The inside and the outside go together.

This small gathering of awake, aware and willing women did not just begin today, they launched! From the first opening moments, each was fully in the game of personal discovery – knowing that all they had to lose were their own limitations.

I know that all I have to lose are my limitations. I am aware that as I ponder the coming decade, all that I have lived – that tells me that I think I know how to live! – will not serve me. As much as I know that my world is changing, and I have no idea how else to live, I know that how I’ve lived will no longer cut it. How willing am I to let it all go?

Today, it became clear that it’s always about relationships, with self and other. And it’s equally clear that my relationship with myself determines all the others.

In the world of being inspired and inspiring others, if I cannot inspire myself, I am lost to all outside of me. In a world that is rapidly getting smaller, that is not a good thing for me!

I am willing to be my own inspiration. I am willing to not know….until I know. And I am willing to trust that how I’ll know will have nothing to do with knowledge.

Breathing is good…..