Honey, I'm home! ( or Re-entry from Ste. Anne's...)

Ah yes…Tim’s in hand, somehow comforted by having worshipped at the temple even if, yet again, I am left only with the coffee and without the invitation to lay claim to the Camry hybrid. “Maybe next time”, I think to myself… and breathe a deep sigh of the comfort of the familiar as I settle into position at my beloved keyboard. I have been away from my laptop for three days!

For me, that must be some kind of record. It takes a lot for me to stay away from my laptop and, even more, to be without the desire to write. And yet, there it is - three days without writing.

Three glorious days away, with my most pressing decisions shaped by my need to choose from a series of spa treatments competing for my attention; and whether or not to have High Tea so soon after lunch and so close to dinner. Surrounded by comfort and luxury; a tranquil context within which to reconsider myself, my life and what sparks my desire to engage my life fully!

Ste. Anne’s became a metaphor for a quiet mind….for carving out a space within which movement became mindful, meaningful and served up in slender slices of experience that allowed me to see/hear/engage mySelf in every morsel of my ‘now’ as the invitation that I am to my own unique ‘emerging future’. A gentle reminder that grace and elegance, like safety, are an inside job that then reflects itself in my outside ‘reality’; and that I need only pause long enough to consider its presence in my every breath – and so it becomes.

I discovered nooks and crannies of my own curiosity about what I’m doing, why I’m doing it – and to what degree I am still all of who I have been and yet am no longer, in my physical world. I am already so much more!

There were moments…whispers of time that carried memories, past and future…when I experienced mySelf - the Emerging Self – as being no longer that, and yet my body was somehow still completing a cycle of habituation of the familiar. At another time and in another place, I may well have become impatient with myself, forging ahead to seek the more attuned Self rather than waiting to be found by it. All in its own time – and that time, for me, is not yet. In this most welcoming of spaces, I let go and allowed it all to just unfold.

I wandered the buildings of Ste. Anne’s – hands bumping over the fortress walls of stones of many sizes, shapes and types. I’m told that there is quartz in the walls, part of the healing experience that Ste. Anne’s offers. Touching these walls brought a sense of feeling safe and solid in my own world. Protected. Surrounded in a way that I felt complete freedom within the walls and yet, sheltered from any outside interference.

The weather ensured that I stayed inside, having wisely chosen accommodation that eliminated my need to ever be outside of the temple of temptations…wondrous combinations of wraps, pummelings, concoctions of lotions and oils…all intended to bring me more completely into my own senses…encouraging time to fall away and be replaced with a deeper sense of mySelf in the moment.

Robes the order of the day, no matter what time or location or event unfolding! That was an interesting experience for me – stepping into a robe, fresh out of the shower, and drifting easily through my day of spa treatments, naps, snack and meals, all without the fanfare of ‘What shall I wear????” No need to ponder such things, leaving much space and time to ponder so many other things of much greater import in my life.

As I tested every room – the sunshine flooded garden room where we all wait effortlessly to be claimed, one after the other, by one of the many willing and able Sorcerers of the Senses for our next treatment; the quiet salon tucked at the back of the original manor where silence and stillness come naturally in this space filled with cozy couches, comfy chairs, plush carpet and crackling fire; the grotto of whirlpool, plunge and exercise pool, all in the bitter cold and rain, yet amazingly exhilarating with body wrapped in heat while what became crisp, awakening air surrounded my head, neck and shoulders; eucalyptus steam room on my way outside, leaving me longing for the cold and yet on my way back in, wrapping me in the comfort of its heat as the winter air left ice crystals in my hair; - all of it just as it should be for me to be more awake to mySelf. Glorious!

Not a moment went by that I did not have an image come to mind of being in these spaces and places… sheltered within these walls of stone… with other women – women seeking to be well, women seeking to create space for their own thoughts to expand and become more, women seeking to escape – but for a few days – into a sacred time with themselves, women seeking to stop/ponder and redesign a life more meaningful. Everything about this space breathed life into being the woman that I am; encouraged me to unfold more of mySelf into this cocoon of stillness and safety, and was most welcoming of my every request for what I needed. All I had to do was ask.

I’m ready, now. I’m ready for the MORE that my life can always be counted on to offer! I’m ready for new thoughts, new notions, new ways of engaging with others. My mind is clear, my body is rested and my imagination is filled with the potential that I am in the world and my commitment to engaging with other women to discover and expand that potential in themselves.

No doubt, my future will include experiences with small groups of women, at Ste. Anne’s. Experiences of rest and relaxation, recognizing my own need to just stop…and be. Experiences of healing and growth and evolution. Experiences of body, mind and spirit – each a denser, thicker expression of the other.

I know there is more of mySelf to be found through Ste. Anne’s. And I know that it will be found in the magnificent company of other women seeking the Sacred that pulses within.

Breathing is good…..