A Wave of Sadness

My sons are now 18 and 20. Over the years, I’ve met many of their friends, some of whom have been in our lives for almost 10 years. Yesterday, one of them dropped by and the three of them headed out to a movie.

Although my chat with him was brief, I was really glad to see this young man again. He had not been to the house for some time and although I often heard what he was up to, I’d not seen him for almost a year. It was great to see his smiling face, evidence of his good nature and easy-going disposition.

We had a quick chat as I was coming home with groceries and they were headed out, quickly engaging as we passed each other like ships on the high seas. In those few moments, we talked long enough for me to learn that his intention was to head to the US as soon as he was cleared to go and join the military there. In that moment, my heart sank in my chest. I could feel the tears welling up.

I’ve always liked this young man. Quirky as some might consider him to be, I’ve always thought of him as having a good soul and a big heart. Over the years, I’ve come to know him as a person who really just wants his life to matter; to know that he is living a life of caring and compassion; and that he has been born to a life that has some meaning to it. Having sought out work in security, his intention is to ‘serve and protect’; to have his life be meaningful in some way in contributing to others. I cannot get the thought out of my head that this will be the last time I see him alive.

Is it the time we live in? Is it about our video games, movies and the glorification of violence? Is it about the call to defend and protect what we have created and hold dear? Is it the ‘nobility’ that we’ve attached to laying one’s life down for another? I don’t have a clue. I only know that this feeling of grief and sadness makes no distinction between the sons that I’ve birthed and the ones that I’ve just come to cherish.

Today, I am saddened by it all.

Breathing is good…..