Thought made flesh

I had lunch today with a friend whose company I thoroughly enjoy. I always come away from our ‘quarterly meetings’ with new notions to ponder and a great sense of being loved, supported and valued. I walk away from our time together focusing my attention on such huge and expansive thoughts…such potential and possibilities….all of which result in my feeling encouraged to stay true to myself and create those opportunities that are intended to rapidly and profoundly accelerate my own evolution, and invite others into them with me. After all, it is my holodeck.

When I got home, I scanned the WEL-Systems Blogging Community entries for the day and found the latest one by Anita. I have such great respect for Anita; for her sense of play, her courage and compassion; and for her unwavering commitment to her own unfolding. Her capacity for honesty sizzles, like a great steak on a BBQ, with a searing quality and a delicious outcome! Today, her words left me feeling such love and appreciation for the godforce that I know her to be. As always, I am deeply moved by her talent and her tenacity to ensure its survival – and her own. Her words were also an invitation to me to pay attention to what moved inside me as I read. .

These two events (lunch and the blog) and the corresponding internal cues they awakened brought my life into my awareness along a continuum. At one end – thought. At the other end – flesh. Put differently, at one end – energy. At the other end – matter.

I know only too well of what Anita speaks so eloquently. I could not even begin to estimate how many hours/days/years of my life have been consumed by the issue of my flesh. Is there too much of it? (I’ve noticed that rare is the woman who believes she has not enough of it!) Is it ‘properly’ distributed? Do I package it well enough for it to be experienced as and considered ‘attractive’ by others? Does it hang the way it’s supposed’ to, with the big chunks where they are most valued and the slender parts displayed for best results?

Rarely did I consider if I was vibrant, healthy and strong. Rarely did I ponder my flexibility or stamina. The demands of and on my flesh were not for my own benefit but for the benefits accrued to me indirectly because of the benefits of my flesh perceived by others and for others (i.e. stamina so that I could work longer and harder; vibrancy so that I would charm the clients and encourage their commitment to my employer, etc.) The value to me of my own flesh was not even worthy of my own consideration. What mattered most was how my flesh was rated by….by…..eveyone other than ME.

Today, my life is different and becoming more so from one day to the next. I am strong, vibrant and flexible. My flesh is healthy and well! I am delighted at the thought that I will be 60 in 2010. Sixty! 60!!! Wow! There is something about what is to come that leaves me feeling beautiful, powerful and immensely potent. To date, my life is a magical one. A charmed life with such incredible, amazing and powerful people in it! Just how much more magnificent will I have become by 2010?!? I know there is so much more of me that I will discover in the next three years.

I have come to notice that throughout my lifetime, as my attention shifted from my flesh to my energy….from by body to my thoughts….my world expanded. And so did the size of my ass! Not because I worked at it but because I paid no attention to it! I have recently become aware of the statues of women from eons ago and how round and full they are. How ever did we (women) get to become the stick figures (literally!) of the 21st century? Two-dimentional beings that if looked at from just the right angle, completely disappear.

And maybe all of that is a metaphor for something. For giving myself permission to BE large in the world. To think BIG thoughts! To take up space…spread out…expand into…and apologize for none of it. My flesh is a reflection of MY internal state…MY interests and needs and desires…and MY measure of what does and does not ‘feel’ good or right for ME.

My flesh is here for one reason and one reason only: without it, the expression of the godforce that I am would be so much more difficult in a physical world and would go undetected by most. I have no desire to be invisible – at least, not anymore. I could not always have said that.

My thoughts belong to me. My flesh belongs to me. They are connected, with my flesh on the outside a reflection of my thoughts/energy on the inside.

In this moment, I wonder: if I had daughters, what would I have lived with them that they might know their flesh, differently? How might I have moved through the world with them that they might have focused their attention on the presence of their voice expressing in the world rather than the presence of their flesh? On the sound that defines them rather than the flesh by which they are defined. I guess I’ll never know. What I do know is that as I was growing up and becoming a woman, my voice was often the most unwelcomed and irritating part of me.

As I write and consider Anita's words, I am reminded of what it was for me to be pregnant. I loved being pregnant! My flesh redesigned itself with round lines, softness and a great sense of relaxation into its natural expansion. What a surprise that was to me, having spent so much of my life struggling for straight lines and sharp angles; all things tight and immovable. Two sons later, I have learned that many wonderful things come in large, loose packages! J

I am finally…finally!...coming to a deep appreciation that what anyone else thinks of my flesh is none of my business. Perhaps, for me, that is the last frontier of freeing myself of external referencing. As a woman, that has been a long, rugged and sometimes deadly road to travel. Today, I know my flesh is a reflection of the strength, flexibility and vibrancy of what moves inside me.

Today was a good day. My life expanded because of these two women – each for different reasons and in different ways, each doing nothing more than authentically being herself - and their willingness to share the truth of who they authentically are in the moment. And maybe that’s what it’s all about.

Breathing is good…..