Child Abuse....ENOUGH!

I read Sarah’s blog today. I stand with her as she chooses to stand alone, claiming the truth of her own experience.

There are those among us who have been victims. There are those among us who are perpetrators. There are those among us who would prefer to think that neither exist; that we are over-reacting, or blowing things out of proportion or imagining it all. And to them I would say, “WAKE UP!”

Beneath the veneer of the myth of the intact family lies a seething mass of deception, betrayal, lies, dirty secrets, open wounds, mind-numbing emotional and physical pain…all of which add up to danger, despair and hopelessness for those too small to defend and protect themselves; with voices too quiet to be heard.

I’ve been working with people since 1990. I’ve had the opportunity to engage with thousands of people over those years – face-to-face in program experiences, in telephone conversations and through email. Before that, I spent almost 20 years in treatment programs for families of alcoholics; talked myself silly with a wide range of therapists and counselors; and invested hundreds of hours and tens of thousands of dollars as a participant in educational/developmental/certification experiences with some of the best minds in the world. Through it all, I talked with people. I told my story and listened to theirs. I declare, without hesitation or a nano-second of doubt, we are a species that cannibalizes its young.

We are the monsters that brutalize our children and create more monsters! I have worked with people who, as children, experienced such horrific treatment at the hands of those whose care they were in (not strangers or paid care-givers or pedophiles on-the-run, but family members) that I would marvel that they were able to function at all!; that they, themselves, had not become the monsters in some other child’s nightmares.

I have been with both men and women as their bodies shook uncontrollably with the terror still filling their cells from things done to them – in the powerlessness and helplessness of their size, age and innocence – that to that day, kept them from living their own lives. I have watched their bodies become paralyzed and rigid, trapped in the memories that were still in their flesh, seeking to be witnessed, honored and released that they might begin to grow up. Their adult bodies masked the four-year-old that still ran their lives.

My life is filled people who have discovered that if they are to take back their lives, they must first find inside themselves the truth of their own experience, and lay undeniable claim to it all. You can’t give away what does not belong to you. And before they can move beyond their history, they must claim it to be theirs, recognize that the shame does not belong to them, and walk away. For that, they must dig deep inside themselves and find the courage to stand alone.

We do not make it easy for anyone to stand alone. We are a species that has become highly adept at using physical and emotional terror, shame, ridicule, abandonment, isolation…and a wide variety of other tactics to make sure not only that our children are never heard but that we become unable to hear ourselves. Not only do we fear what our children have to say, we are terrified of the truth we carry inside ourselves. It is not our children who must find their voices. It is the adults we have become, carrying the scars and the often still-open wounds from our own experiences, who must find voice.

Child abuse is not a child’s problem – it is an adult’s problem! The situation has become so intense that our children are now battering, brutalizing and killing each other! Your voice, my voice and that of the millions of others who know, deep in their bodies the truth of their experience, are the ones who must become willing to decloak and take a stand.

It is not that we are without laws – it is that the laws are not enough. It is not that we without experts, officials, agents, professionals who are paid to stand guard – it is that they are not enough. NO ONE is more capable and adept at this than those of us who know…deep in our own bellies…and who have become willing to trust what we know. NO ONE is more able to protect our children than we are, IF we have claimed our own truth and can trust our own body. Without that, we continue to avoid and deny the alarm that our own body signals - screaming at us to pay attention to the truth of what we know! - becoming victim (this time) to ourselves.

We take from our children what has been taken from us. Innocence lost - through neglect, abandonment and isolation - breeds depression, invisibility and a desire to disconnect from our world. Innocence taken - through violation, terror and assault - breeds rage and the desire to take back what was taken from us. Without a capacity to reclaim the truth of our own experience, we look outside ourselves to satisfy this relentless hunger. And yet, the hunger we carry that craves a return to what we were will never be fed by denying what we have become.

It does not matter where it started. What matters is where it ends. And in my life, it ends with me. Clearly, in Sarah’s life, it is ending with her. In your life, it must end with you. It is not that each of us must draw the line in the sand, it is that each of us must BECOME the line in the sand. If what I must do is put my body between my children and their grandparents, uncles, cousins, babysitters, teachers, coaches, ministers, priests…whatever!....then so be it. I have learned to trust the truth of my body and leave behind the bullshit that we toss at each other to keep sacred our unwillingness to say or do something that might potentially embarrass someone, or have someone feel badly, or have others be upset at our stand. Silence will not take us to where we want to go.

‘Child porn’….’kiddie porn’….are not about pornography. In our savvy, worldly, clever society, we have come to associate porn/pornography with so-called consenting (which I believe to be a lie in the vast majority of cases) adults and therefore, a completely acceptable experience to engage in as participant, witness or voyeur. Children do not consent! This is not ‘child pornography’ – this is child abuse. This is rape of the most horrific kind. This is use of force in ways that you and I cannot even imagine. This is violation, degradation and terror. This is brutality. And worse, this is a collective. It is not about one person….it is recognizing that there are many, many persons who engage in this process as a collective…who share these children with each other, passed around from one to the other…. That this could be considered, in any way, entertainment or ‘natural’ is beyond my comprehension.

We live in a world where men travel to foreign lands to rape the children who live there. This is not a secret – this is done openly! Who have we become as a species that we are capable of such horror?

I, for one, stand with Sarah. I do not for a moment fool myself into believing that I can change that world or ‘solve’ that problem or make it go away. Even Oprah, who has the capacity to profoundly affect her world, cannot stop this. I am however, very clear: NOT MY CHILDREN! Nor my grandchildren…nor my nieces. When I stand for myself and claim the truth of my own history, I become able to stand for my children. When I reclaim MY voice for MYSELF, I have voice for another. I cannot speak for my children if/when I cannot speak for myself. I cannot protect my children when I cannot protect myself. I am too vulnerable…too easily fooled…too easily silenced. Such is no longer the case. My voice is strong and it is loud – and it speaks with Sarah’s to say: “ENOUGH!”

Find your voice! Share this with others and become the invitation for others to WAKE UP to what their body already knows. BECOME the line in the sand in your own life. We are all contagious...the question is : What are we spreading?
Breathing is good….

Other things I’ve written that say more:

• From Victim to Victorious Voice -
• Parenting: The Other Gift that Keeps on Giving
• Women’s Voices – Women’s Choices
• Thoughts On….Commitment
• Living Life with an Edge

Monochromatic World

It’s one of those days that those of us who know snow, know well. It’s been snowing for almost 18 hours and the world has become the page that this monochromatic message is written on.

Last night, I lay in bed and watched tiny snow flakes fall like a wall of frozen rain. Against the night sky, the background was lit by street lamps, making everything appear to be a variation on that one color : that soft, metallic grey that can only be seen when Winter creeps in and transforms ‘weather’ into ‘season’.

I love this! I remember so many times, sitting quietly in the dark hidden from the street light’s glow on the carpet at my feet….watching snow flakes the size of quarters waft like feathers on a soft breeze. I could hear the silence on the wind, broken only from time-to-time by a passing car. That sound often startled me, as I had gone somewhere where cars did not exist – and yet, there was one, now.

I wonder…..where else in my life do I experience my world as monochromatic and, perhaps, have not yet remembered to discover its beauty? How else might I move through those times in my life when it appears that color has drained from my existence and become an expression of shades of the same thing?

Perhaps this day is to remind me to notice rather than expect…to welcome the difference rather than long for the same…and perhaps to find within myself the genius that has created it all! It is, after all, my holodeck.

Breathing is good…..

Completions and Fresh Starts

I blinked - and almost 10 days went by. I wonder how that happens....

I've been spending my 'time' in the future....considering, wondering, pondering, exploring, discovering....getting a 'sense' of what it will take for Intention 2009 to manifest.

Since January 2006, elements have been falling into place; and clarity has emerged about those essential elements. Since then, it has become clear that engaging with women is one of those essential elements; WEL-Systems is another and the compressed timeframe is a third. Three elements. There are many such triads in my life.

When I wrote 'Women's Voices, Women's Choices', it was very clear to me: women gathering in small groups, talking is an essential part of who we are. It is also much more than conversations - it is a force for generative change in our networks of human beings.

The future...MY future...lies in women gathering in small groups, talking....about what is meaninful; telling the truth of their experience; saying 'no' to what they don't want and asking for what they do. No more secrets. No more story-telling to pretend that all is well when we know it is not.

Women gathering in small groups, talking....will change our world. It will also change THE world.

Imagine! Such a simple thing and yet, such a potent process. Like all things truly great, it's simplicity masks its impact. We have yet to notice how women gathering in small groups, talking...and hiding their truth from themselves and each other...has already shaped the world we have.

Intention 2009 will manifest by December 31, 2009. By then, the potential of the paradigm shift that a WEL-Systems perspective invites and allows for, will be in the minds of a collective at critical mass. From there, it is all up to each of us...and the outcome will define the collective we become.

Things are changing. I thought the changes in my life from January 2006 to January 2007 were fast. I wrote in the December Newsletter of what had unfolded. January 2007 to now has pressed the edges of an Emerging Futures perspective, resulting in the need to capture what has presented so that I might move forward. This has led to extensive recorded material for The CODE Model, CODE Model Coaching, Leadership REdefined - REclaimed, Manifestation, and many, many more. These will soon be in production to mark the journey that 2007 made room for. And then, with history ready to tell its own tale, the future continues to emerge.

I wonder what my world will be in December 2008......

Breathing is good......

The CODE Model...and more

I am exhilarated! I just spent two days in amazing, wonderful, weird, compelling, provocative, evocative conversations with a small group of women, discovering all that I have to say about The CODE Model™ and CODE Model Coaching™. I surprised myself!

These things – The CODE Model and CODE Model Coaching – are not anything that I learned or worked at or created. These are frameworks and models that came from the very pores of my being…that were birthed as a by-product of my own engaging, living, discovering, growing and becoming…and then were offered to the world as my way of inviting others into these discoveries for themselves.

During the course of the last two days, I discovered:

• This great and intense need to say what I have to say about these, as they become more accessible and present in the larger world. As much as The CODE Model can be an effective diagnostic, that is not what the wisdom of my own living intended for it.
• That I want the world to know the magic of what these offer…that they go far beyond what we have ever considered possible in the domain of one human being engaging with themselves or with another.
• Great clarity with regard to the point where I stand in my own life; that I am ready to let go of what I already know and make room for me to discover what has yet to flow into my awareness. And I know there is so much more!
• That as I looked around the Program Room in Kanata and I followed the flow of the posters on the wall displaying the sequence of the WEL-Systems models, it was so clear to me why the sequence matters. It is a journey…and like I cannot get to Vancouver from Ottawa without going past Manitoba, nor can I connect to the incredible, awe-inspiring Quantum Biological Being that I am…to the godforce that I am…without going past who I have been and how I got to be that.
• That the Quantum Biological Being model IS the choice-point….it is the place where the paradigm leap takes place….and I either stay in the existing paradigm of the Newtonian world and continue to have access to what I already have access to or I make the leap and claim the new paradigm of the Quantum world AS THAT QUANTUM BIOLOGICAL BEING and all that it awakens me to. BioBaby™, Signals Dancing™, Quantum TLC™ and The CODE Model™ are all offerings on that side of the great divide.
• There is so much more! As I recognize the journey and declare the possible and how it is achieved, I realize that I am ready to move on.

It is a journey. It has a beginning…and a new beginning! Perhaps that is the thing of greatest interest to me: it really never ends and it just keeps getting better.

This two-day conversation about The CODE Model and CODE Model Coaching has been recorded and will become the state-of-the-art reference material for both. Combined with Quantum TLC™, these are the gateways for us to rediscover and reclaim the godforce that each of us is. CODE Model Coaching is never about fixing something or solving a problem, although both of these experiences occur. It is about stepping into the journey home to the godforce that we are.

I am deeply grateful to those who were with me during these two days. I feel complete; I feel free; and I feel that soon, as other conversations make their way to CD, more will be in flow. I know that the ‘more’ will be about Evolution by Intention™ and an EmergingFutures perspective and all that it offers.

Women gathering in small groups…talking…..and the world changes.

Breathing is good…..

Courage in action

Last night, I had an opportunity to spend time in conversation with Sarah. It became evident very quickly how much clarity she had; how willing she is to do what it takes; and how able she has become to identify what is deeply meaningful to her and do what it takes to live it.

Sarah has done what it takes. She has reached out to people who can work with her in ways that will move her forward rather than lock her into position. She has stayed present to that inner truth that will not leave her and has discovered how else to engage with it. She has stayed with her fear as an invitation for discovery. She has felt hesitation - and engaged anyway. She has taken a breath...put one foot in front of the other...and walked forward into a very different quality of life.

Many others would have given up long ago, seeking to find ways to absolve them of responsibility for the quality of their own lives. Others would have just surrendered to the advice of outside experts and proceeded to fill yet one more prescription wit the intent of stopping the pain. But not Sarah! I was there when, with great courage and determination, she has stayed with what presented, even when doing so would cause a wave of terror to lock her body into rigid position. And yet, here she is : larger than life and completely unwilling to NOT live fully!

As we spoke, I was often left speechless (and that's not an easy thing to do with me!) by this incredible transformation. The depth of her clarity; the sense of having arrived in her own body, a woman and no longer a child. Her strength. Her courage. And perhaps more than anything else, her capacity to relax into and trust herself. Sarah is awake! For far too many of us, THAT is the greatest challenge. To let go of our deeply entrenched belief that someone else knows; that someone else can fix it for us; that someone else will make it all better. Sarah knows that only she can do that for her own life - and she's up to it!

Thank you, Sarah....you give me hope. That little stone in your pocket today will help you remember who you already are. Doing so, will help you trust who you can become.

Breathing is good....

Cleaning house

For the last few months, I have been aware of this pressure, this need, to cleanse…or empty…or clean out.

I am mindful of how full my closets are, my shelves are, my house is, my life is, my body is with ‘stuff’ that has accumulated over my lifetime. It is not that these things did not serve their purpose or, in their time, did not bring me great joy. Nor is it that they are broken, damaged, useless or in any way ‘undesirable’ or unwanted. It is more that they are no longer who I am and are now slowing expression of who I might become.

Letting go. No need to push or force or actually do anything. It is much more about stopping all this – and doing nothing. In that empty space, direction comes for my next step and it becomes a step with significantly less weight attached to it. The weight of habit. The 'drag' of history. The distraction of proven results and outcomes.

I look around my house/work/life, and I notice so many beautiful things that continue to be beautiful and I have no desire to have them in my life. Some of these I am ready to put into boxes and give away. Others, will likely move more slowly, going into boxes and taking that half-measure of finding a cozy corner in the basement…until I’m ready to let go completely.

The domain of my thinking is no different. In my thinking, there are thoughts that have long been there. Maybe too long. Although they have served me well; have made a difference in my life and in the lives of many others, it is time for them to go. To let them just fall away, quietly wondering what that empty space will make room for.

It is not that there is anything wrong with these thoughts. Or that they are worn out or irrelevant. It is that I am no longer, as the thinker, who I was when I first thought them. To become the ‘more’ that I know I am, I must be willing to let go of who I have been, even when being so has filled my life with great joy.

I know that things will change – quickly! I am committed to Intention 2009 – to doing all that I can to ensure that by the end of 2009, there will be a global awareness of a WEL-Systems® perspective and access for those who choose to engage. Whether through books, audio products or program experiences, those who are seeking to awaken to a different way of moving through their world, will have the opportunity to do so.

In the next few months, there will be new audio products available on a number of things. CD’s of guided mediations; CD’s on the issue of weight/body image/personal power; on The CODE Model and CODE Model Coaching; on a home-study program for a WEL-Systems approach to living. I’ll be launching a new internet radio open-line show, encouraging listeners to engage directly to find out how a WEL-Systems approach can make a difference in their lives.

In the soon-to-be-released November ChoicePoints Newsletter, the Spotlight On piece will be on my observations from the process engaged during the Whispers from Within women's writing retreats. Those 'Layers of Discovery' only serve to strengthen my commitment to recognizing that the vibrations of voice are the songs we sing to awaken ourselves and each other.

Moving faster….going deeper…finding transformation.

Breathing is good…..

Women and self-silencing: ENOUGH!

I read Lori's latest blog entry on 'Speaking Up....Speaking Out'.

There are far too many places in the world where women are legitimately in grave danger when they give voice to their own thoughts. Making a simple request or declining to engage in some way will get you killed. Fortunately, for most of us, this country is not one of those places.

Perhaps my greatest sadness comes from years of working with women who have self-silenced and held someone else to blame. Our seeming commitment to be seen NOT to be irritating or annoying; to be liked by everyone; to be considered 'low maintenance' for the men in our lives; to be spoken of as 'kind' or 'helpful' or 'no trouble' are often the things that keep us dead to our own potential.

Years ago, the very first topic developed for the Women and Power cd series was just that - Speaking Up and Speaking Out. They are different things. Speaking Up is about ensuring that our voice has resonnance...that its vibration is felt as a ripple through the bodies of those who hear what we're saying. It's about moving the conversation that - like a hamster in a cage - goes 'round and 'round in our heads and presses to be freed from the physical body and released into the outside world. It's about coming to grips with the fact that no matter how much I am convinced that my needs/wants are legitimate or reasonable, they will not be met in any way as I keep them secret inside myself.

Speaking Out is about saying the things that we believe no one wants to hear. The things that we engage with each other in secret conversation; the things that we whisper to our confidant but dare not say out loud in polite company; the things that we bear witness to and know, deep in our bellies, are wrong and sometimes dangerous! But we silence ourselves by telling ourselves that it's not our business...or not our concern...or no one will listen, anyway.

Until we open our mouths and let what is inside us make its way into our larger world, we have no one to blame for our miserable lives but ourselves. I, for one, am done with that.

Lori made a choice. A simple choice to move the conversation from inside her to outside her, where it could make a difference in her life. In doing so, she discovered that people want her to have what she wants. In my years and years of working with women, I know this to be so far more often than not.

Thank you, Lori...for being unwilling to continue to move silently through your own frustration, anger and eventual exhaustion and likely collapse. As much as you could have been the instrument of ensuring your own miserable life, you chose otherwise. Hallelujah!

Breathing is good.....

How my world works

Yesterday, I got a call from the woman in New York who is our publicist. She had an opportunity to offer me: a journalist for major print media was looking for someone with children (that would be me) to comment on how to get children to wash their hands in light of the (latest) wave of medical concern called MRSA - a staph infection that is highly resistant to known courses of antibiotics.

I was unsure, since it has been many years since I've had any concerns about getting my children to wash their hands. Most of them are now old enough to have children of their own! Nonetheless, she and I agreed that I did have things to say; that she would contact the journalist, and in the meantime I'd prepare for the conversation. Time was of the essence.

Our telephone conversation ended and I went online to explore MRSA. Given that I grew up with a mother who is a nurse (which makes me almost a doctor!), such things are always of interest to me. Several thoughts came to mind as I read what Google offered on this new infection.

Protecting our children and hand-washing:

* The most powerful form of teaching is modeling. Children do what we do - not what we tell them to do. When parents engage the behaviours they want their children to replicate, their success rate if much higher.

* Hand-washing is just one in a series of connected behaviours that provide an overall way of moving through the world. Bathing, brushing their teeth, washing their hair, wearing clean clothes...all these are notes that come together to create the song of wellbeing that we want our children to be able to sing. You can't have the song without the notes.

* For me, the larger question is: if all bacteria and viruses exist in the body and can only proliferate in hospitable ground, how are we creating children who are susceptible to such proliferations? This begs the much more important question (to me)of exploring how our current perspective on our children (their value in our culture) and our existing parenting practices (parents shape the lives of their children) are affecting the internal states of our children such that hospitable ground prevails. For example, to what degree do our children feel stress; feel connected or disconnected from their environments and the people in them (i.e. two working parents); are angry and/or fearful (i.e. bullying at school). These internal states create vulnerability that allows for hospitable ground for these 'outside' infections to take hold.

So far, not much out of the ordinary...and here's where it got interesting.

As I read through the pages, I came across one particular page that while reading, the image of one client kept coming to mind. This is a woman who has had breast cancer and its surgery; and who has been challenged over the last few months with what the medical professionals were insisting was a return of the cancer and yet, she knew that it was not so. Increasing frustration and discouragement ensued, as the medical professionals insisted on a continuing course of chemo with no other conversations available. Although this woman did not know what her body was experiencing, she knew it was not cancer. At the mercy of the 'system', she did what was required of her.

As I read, this woman's image would not go away. I kept seeing her face, in the situation in which she and I had last engaged together. I chose to send the link to this page to a colleague who had been working with her in a coaching situation and offered it for their consideration.

Today, I get an email from the woman who had read the page, printed it up and taken it to her doctor earlier today. It turns out that she does not have cancer: she has MRSA and is now being treated for it.

Who would have thought that the original call was really about creating a pathway to this information for a woman who was losing hope? And here I thought it was about a public communication event.....

I love the way it works! It never fails me. I can trust that when I allow myself to engage; when I pay attention and trust what moves through me; and when I am willing to act, regardless of how bizarre it may appear in the moment, magic happens!

Given that we are all the godforce in expression in a physical universe, how could it be otherwise?

Breathing is good.....