A quiet truth

Every day, I discover more of what is ‘real’ for me…what is deeply meaningful.

I just spent five days (Whispers from Within: Women’s Writing Retreat) with women who were committed to discovering how to listen to the whispers inside themselves. The sounds of who we are that are drowned out by the dull, relentless droning of our daily lives – all the shoulds and musts; all the obligations and commitments; and all the fears, rages and resentments that often are the companions that fill the empty space left behind when what we want…what we desire…is deemed irrelevant, undeserved and without merit.

Being willing to stop…to make room in our own lives for our own needs…is in itself an act of courage. Beyond that, being willing to stay with the tumultuous, chaotic inner world that often precedes our discovery from these whispers, sometimes shakes the physical body to its core. And yet, each of these women did just that. From one day to the next, I was often moved to tears and filled with awe at the depth of their courage and determination to engage; the immensity of their desire to LIVE LARGE! I felt deeply honoured to have been on this journey with them.

Whispers from within. Whispers from the past of things hidden. Whispers of the future and who we might become if only we could give ourselves permission. Whispers dulled by time and buried beneath duty, obligation and cultural demands. Whispers still lingering deep inside – where we live – long forgotten and yet, unwilling to be overlooked. All of them ARE the story of who we have been – and the gateway to who we might become.

It is no secret that I am deeply drawn to and committed to working with women. In these very challenging and sometimes frightening times, I believe that women are the key to a future that sustains life for us all. In the space that Gaia is for our living, growth and evolution, I believe that women are the soul of its potential and that men are its sense of adventure. Over time and for whatever reasons, women have lost their sense of adventure and men have lost their souls. It may well be that until each of us can rediscover and reclaim within ourselves the half that the other represents, we will never be whole.

Innocence lives in our being whole. Life, growth and evolution live in our being whole. When we are whole – when we can live in the full innocence of our natural state of being – we become harmless. Without this innocence, we have the capacity to be dangerous and to do ourselves and each other great harm.

Innocence lost leaves us drifting. Innocence taken leaves us enraged and/or terrified; seeking to soothe our own pain by punishing others or ourselves. And yet, no matter how good we get at doing so, the result always leaves us empty, exhausted and more desperate than we were the first time.

Over my 20+ years working with others, I have lost count of how many men and women I have worked with. However, I have not failed to notice that as I have moved away from content and technique and moved more toward context and process, fewer and fewer men are choosing to engage. Many of those who have chosen to be part of these context/process explorations have shown themselves to be of great courage, with a determination to free themselves from their history and their own limitations. For many, the price they have paid in being true to themselves has been the essential requirement for them to question their 'manhood'; to question what it is that men have become in this time, and to what degree they have been repelled by their findings. For many, their exploration has brought them freedom from the need to drift with the majority, coupled with a sense of being alone as they stand separate from the pack.

In my work, I have come to believe that the courage to move beyond the status quo and redefine who we might become presents in far greater numbers with women than it does with men. Women have so little to lose and so much to gain in moving beyond what we have come to know as ‘truth’ or 'reality'. On the other hand, men have (at first glance) much to lose and little to gain. Considered to be the keepers of the power and the essence of its expression in our physical world, they hang on to what they know with great determination – even when what they know leaves a bitter taste in their mouths and will eventually kill them.

I have also come to conclude that as much as I have invested myself in the past in working with men (and I have worked with some amazing men for whom I continue to have a deep and abiding respect and affection), I am not the woman to make the difference with them in their lives. Over generations, their walls have become high and thick, requiring a motivation, determination and commitment that will likely only be available to the people who love them... to the women who love them.

As I work with women and they rediscover and reclaim their sense of adventure, the men in their lives awaken to something different for themselves. The awakening of the women offers permission for the men to become other than what they’ve been trained to be and to believe they must always be. The conditioning is so deep and the fear is so great that only someone who loves them can stay long enough and engage deeply enough to make the difference that is critical – and do it in a way that keeps them safe and willing to engage. Without a sense of personal safety, there is no willingness to explore.

I've also noticed that as women awaken, they begin to awaken other women. Such is the way women interact with other women: mother, daughter, sister, friend, colleague – it makes no difference. When one woman discovers how to live an awakened life, she shares freely, openly and abundantly with other women. Big, loose, rich, deeply textured conversations with other women (over coffee or lunch at work, across the kitchen table with steaming hot tea waiting to be sipped, etc.) flow easily and effortlessly. Words shared. Thoughts shaped. Tears shed. Laughter filling the body where the tension has been released and the space created as an invitation to connect. All of it offered and received in love.

As I ponder all of this, I am left with a nagging sense of unease: what of those men who do not know what it is to be loved? What future will unfold for them?

Breathing is good…..